she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
