First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
