So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is Oprah even human
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
