need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
only if we run a train.
done.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
