I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
