He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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