I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
