You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
