yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize