Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
