My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
