hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize