just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
