I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
