Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
