This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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