We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
