Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
