Jerry, you need to find god
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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