My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
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