I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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