I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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