I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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