Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize