Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
