A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
