I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize