She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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