I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
