too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
