It's Friday. Sex?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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