Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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