so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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