Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
