So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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