i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
