hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
