I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
