Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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