carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
