i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize