like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
