When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
