Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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