Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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