Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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