I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
