Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
