I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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