worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
