he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
