Will you blow on my dice?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
