My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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