This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
