i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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