I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
