Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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