I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
