I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
