I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I came so hard my ears popped.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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