...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
