is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
