she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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