yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize