I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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