Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
