Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
