the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
