Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
