no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
