It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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