That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
