hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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