I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize