so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
