I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
