Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
