he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina is officially offended.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
